Archive for the ‘Puns–Common Objects’ Category

Detergents   Leave a comment

Opposition to puns should never deter gents from telling jokes about clothes washers.  No, these punny men should maintain their commitment to clean humor, no matter how others spin the witticisms.

Music Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The musician played the piano softly.  The pianist with too much time became keyboard.
  2. Singing in the church choir is a lofty ambition.  (Do my jokes need better direction?)
  3. The musically inclined fish visited the choral reef.
  4. Is church music on a rogation Sunday organ-ic?  Should I have piped up?
  5. The group of musically inclined wood workers called itself the Carpenters.  (They were on top of the world.)
  6. I am partial to choral music.   You may ask, “On what basses?”  I do not like the tenor of such a conversation.  But, whatever, you do, refrain from calling the Sopranos or going to Palo Alto.
  7. Singing more softly or loudly makes a song dynamic.
  8. The instrumentalist had bass boards in his home.  (Is this joke so bad that it is almost as low as I can go?  Does it register?)
  9. Anthems are an acquired taste.  Does this joke strike a chord with you?  Was it noteworthy?
  10. If a window were to sing to me, it would be Beverly Sills.
  11. A semi-aquatic marine mammal that plays an instrument is a harp seal.
  12. The grocer must be a good musician, for he is never out of tuna.

Composer Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The space aliens who met Richard Strauss said, “Take me to your lieder.”
  2. Georges was not too Bizet to compose music.
  3. Music is Lisztless without Franz.
  4. A composer opens a small door with a minor key.
  5. The composer, who attended frequent staff meetings, took a measured approach to writing music.  I hope he was never in much treble.  If so, this would have been a major concern for him, for he might have been unduly notorious.
  6. Don’t be notorious.  Compose yourself and perform in the correct key.  This is a major issue, off the scale.
  7. I suppose that Beethoven wrote some drafts of compositions in notebooks.
  8. When Johann Sebastian attended a party, was it a Bachanalia?  Am I wining too much?  Is this a grape joke or not?
  9. Puns about Johann Sebastian Bach must Germanate.

Food Puns   Leave a comment

  1. I paid for my meal at a restaurant in Amsterdam.  I went Dutch.
  2. A C.P.A. reviewed restaurants on the side.  He panned the cuisine at one establishment, writing, “There’s no accounting for taste.”
  3. The food critic panned the chef’s cooking, saying that it had gone to pot.  The chef, who could not handle this criticism, boiled over with rage.
  4. Do Dutch-born Canadians use hollandaise sauce?
  5. Russian food out of a can is Chef Boyardee.
  6. You have great skillet cooking.
  7. St. Polycarp had many fish.
  8. Rare meat is hard to find.  (I hope that you, O reader, will compliment me on this pun by saying, “Well done,” in one medium or another.)
  9. Whenever I Taiwan to eat Turkey Chile, I use my China.  Fortunately, there is little Greece and I do not have to go Dutch.
  10. The ill condiment went to the mayo clinic.
  11. Does eating a doughnut make one holier?
  12. Olive to tell jokes about pizza toppings.
  13. The theatrical chef engaged in roll playing.
  14. The chef made a stirring speech.
  15. Do Freemasons preserve food in jars?
  16. Did the farmer eat a Reuben Sandwich? And did he have a beef with his meal?
  17. Are you cool to joke about refrigerators and freezers?
  18. The egocentric literary oyster was shellfish.  (Is this joke a pearl of wisdom or just an irritant?)
  19. Is a diner in Athens a greasy spoon?
  20. The food thief pulled off a caper.

Beverages and Liquids Puns   1 comment

  1. Does one have to pass the bar exam to serve a martini?
  2. Those who do not pick up the coffee they ordered have no grounds for complaining.
  3. One fish to another:  “Water you doing?”
  4. The Prohibition activists with a good sense of humor had a dry wit.
  5. A torso-covering garment bearing an image of a small bag containing leaves is a tea shirt.
  6. I am in urnest about my favorite teas.

Vegetables Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The vegetarian pursuer was a stalker.
  2. Here is a bilingual pun, one dependent upon knowledge of the French term for “green beans”:  Green beans are my favorite vegetable; this is very true.  If I am fortunate that this fact has never led to a hairy situation.
  3. Is an Eastern European who likes lettuce a Romanian?
  4. Is an immature carrot a carotene?
  5. One cannot go far afield stalking corn.  Oh, dear reader, please give ear to this pun.  Go ahead, the joke is not that bad.
  6. Can you asparagus a dime?
  7. Happy New Ear!  Is this joke too corny?  Does telling it too many times give one a husky voice?

European Geography Puns   Leave a comment

  1. An Eastern European who carries his nation’s banner is a flag Pole.
  2. In Kiev Ukraine your neck.
  3. A postal employee in Prague fell among packages.  The Czech was in the mail.
  4. If one uses up one’s photo card in Helsinki, is this situation a photo finish?
  5. A messy Eastern European is slovenly.
  6. The practical person (not a Bohemian, artistic type) was Praguematic.  Czech out my jokes, which are Central to my European-themed witticisms.
  7. Italy is a great nation to boot.  (Am I a heel for saying this?)
  8. The two Scandinavian lovers were Swede hearts.  I would tell a similar joke about Norwegians, but that is Oslo as I will go.  And I will not Dane to say anything about lovers in Copenhagen.  I am Finnished now.
  9. I am done speaking Finnish.  Do you Lapp up these jokes?
  10. How best to use a candle in Switzerland is a burning question.
  11. What does an upset married German woman do?  She frauns.  Is this madame worst joke ever?
  12. The Scottish person felt Pict on.

Common Objects Puns   1 comment

  1. The man without a calendar could not get a date.
  2. Is a group of people wielding their fly swatters a swat team?
  3. A candle that does not smell like anything makes no scents.
  4. If a handbag were to sweat, would it perspire?  I really have a handle on these puns, don’t you think?  I am tote-ally a master of the genre.
  5. Did the Medieval warrior use a knight light?
  6. The lawyer opened then closed his valise.  It was an open-and-shut case.
  7. I looked around for somewhere to write my name.  When I succeeded, I said, “Tag, you’re it.”

Engineering and Science Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The cranky meteorologist had stormy relationships.
  2. Nuclear power plant employees must have that CANDU attitude.
  3. When Louis was a young his mother said that he should retire at a proper hour, or else he would stay up “Pasteur bedtime.”
  4. If a group of people talks about solar power, is that a panel discussion?
  5. The bottle went to the hospital for plastic surgery.
  6. Satellites do not weigh much.

Chemistry Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The political chemist was a free radical.
  2. A few weeks ago, a friend handed me a folded sheet of paper.  The outside read, “Are jokes about sodium funny?”  I opened the paper to read the answer, “Na.”  It was an elemental joke, one which a person might tell periodically.  The joke has the benefit of being not quite salty.  And, if one dislikes the joke, one can table it.