1. I paid for my meal at a restaurant in Amsterdam.  I went Dutch.
2. A C.P.A. reviewed restaurants on the side.  He panned the cuisine at one establishment, writing, “There’s no accounting for taste.”
3. The food critic panned the chef’s cooking, saying that it had gone to pot.  The chef, who could not handle this criticism, boiled over with rage.
4. Do Dutch-born Canadians use hollandaise sauce?
5. Russian food out of a can is Chef Boyardee.
6. You have great skillet cooking.
7. St. Polycarp had many fish.
8. Rare meat is hard to find.  (I hope that you, O reader, will compliment me on this pun by saying, “Well done,” in one medium or another.)
9. Whenever I Taiwan to eat Turkey Chile, I use my China.  Fortunately, there is little Greece and I do not have to go Dutch.
10. The ill condiment went to the mayo clinic.
11. Does eating a doughnut make one holier?
12. Olive to tell jokes about pizza toppings.
13. The theatrical chef engaged in roll playing.
14. The chef made a stirring speech.
15. Do Freemasons preserve food in jars?
16. Did the farmer eat a Reuben Sandwich? And did he have a beef with his meal?
17. Are you cool to joke about refrigerators and freezers?
18. The egocentric literary oyster was shellfish.  (Is this joke a pearl of wisdom or just an irritant?)
19. Is a diner in Athens a greasy spoon?
20. The food thief pulled off a caper.

1. The newborn South African had a Natal day.
2. Deceased and disgruntled South Africans of Dutch ancestry are Boers.

1. The man without a calendar could not get a date.
2. Is a group of people wielding their fly swatters a swat team?
3. A candle that does not smell like anything makes no scents.
4. If a handbag were to sweat, would it perspire?  I really have a handle on these puns, don’t you think?  I am tote-ally a master of the genre.
5. Did the Medieval warrior use a knight light?
6. The lawyer opened then closed his valise.  It was an open-and-shut case.
7. I looked around for somewhere to write my name.  When I succeeded, I said, “Tag, you’re it.”

1. Jokes about ceilings always go over my head.
2. The electrician who was also a physicist experimented with fusion.
3. The Minoan criminal was a concrete.
4. Frank Lloyd set things Wright.
5. More people were becoming fascinated by the construction project at the bank.  Interest was building.
6. The tourist got an eyeful in Paris.
7. Moving from a single-story house to a two-story house is a real step up.  (I could just stare at the steps.)
8. Breaking windows can be painful.
9. I shudder to think about windows.
10. Did young Abraham find playing with Lincoln Logs to be a useful way of coping with cabin fever?
11. Do people who write puns about noses have good old factory senses?

1. The French historian visited his Annaliste.
2. Was the poorly informed person with little impulse control an id-iot?
3. Was Sigmund’s fall a Freudian slip?

1. Dashiell had difficulty not trying to Hammett up.
2. The Communist novelist was well read.
3. A new work of fiction is a novel idea.
4. Did Theodore Dreiser let music Carrie him away?
5. If Jane were a spy, would she be Austen Powers?

1. A drama critic wrote of a production of Pinocchio.  The lead actor, he insisted, gave a wooden performance.
2. A historian’s hobby is a pastime.
3. Those who observe others doing nothing are Wait Watchers.
4. The joke about pugilists had a great punchline and was a big hit.
5. Does erecting a barrier composed of epees constitute fencing?
6. With the time of the juggling class set, the schedule was not up in the air.
7. The person who designed a particular slide was very clever.  Of course, he played around with several designs first.
8. When the avart-garde artist said, “Happy Father’s Day,” did he speak to his Dada?
9. The manly carpet maker was rugged.
10. One may learn an artifact at a museum.
11. I would not liken Jan to any other artist.
12. If I analyze a golfer’s swing, do I critique it?
13. The popular artist had great drawing power.
14. Signing yearbooks is an annual ritual.
15. “I can barely contain my enthusiasm,” Teddy said.
16. Did the pole vaulter who assumed too much jump to conclusions?

1. The lamp salesman had a shady past.
2. People who sharpen pencils often know how to get to the point.  They have the write stuff.
3. Is an open-source website about candles called Wick-ipedia?
4. A fee for looking at a page is paperview.
5. An item that shines in the darkness and weighs little is a light bulb.
6. The revolutionary Russians with too few cutting tools had a scissors crisis.  Maybe they needed a new economic policy to deal with it–or maybe not.  (How is that for a historical pun?)
7. Using push pins to hang a poster can be really tacky.  (Was that a pointed comment?  Is my sense of humor sharp?)
8. Light bulb covers are fixtures in many buildings.
9. Is a person in charge of the manufacture of desks a bureau chief?
10. The Turkish businessman who owned a large business which manufactured and sold footstools had an Ottoman Empire.
11. Must I couch jokes about sofas in certain terms?  I could, I suppose, pun about chairs, but then I would be a lazy boy.
12. Were the bookcases in the nuclear scientist’s office made of particle board?  Should I have shelved this joke?
13. If the inventor of the telephone had been a woman from the Old South, the telephone would have been the invention of a Southern belle.
14. Bees can use just one key on a keyboard, for they have Type-A personalities.
15. If I decide to purchase certain office supplies individually, how much should I pay per clip?
16. The friendly writing instruments were pen pals.

1. Amelia was delayed.  Yes, she was a late Bloomer.
2. A Medieval knight’s last name was his sir name.
3. Russian Revolutionaries washed their linens.
4. We know that Catherine the Great was German, not Russian, because she wasn’t in a hurry.
5. Kant you imagine how I thought of this pun, given the volume of material at my Plato?  I had to be a Realist about the matter, though, not letting the details of philosophy become Greek to me.
6. I went Russian off to read about czars.  Ural be glad I did.
7. The wandering czar went Romanov.
8. The cherry tree George Washington cut down was presidential timber.
9. Are you linkin’ Abraham Lincoln to Presidents Day?
10. Was William of Orange fond of citrus products?
11. Visiting Mount Rushmore can be a heady experience, one requiring an executive decision.
12. The honest Merovingian was just being Frank(ish).
13. If one finds a Roman coin in New Orleans, does one have a Latin Quarter?
14. The newly-minted knight received his sir-tificate.
15. Was the son of King Edward IV a new York?
16. Are jokes about philosophers punderous?  Kant I tell that joke quite predictably?
17. A monkey who stands on a pillar for 37 years is St. Simian Stylites.
18. I suppose that Reinhold was a good Niebuhr to those who lived around him.
19. Boaz was ruthless before he met his wife.
20. If I were to recount an incident from early in the life of Origen (185-254), would I tell an Origen story?
21. Is a Roman Catholic collector of large and heavy books a Tome-ist?
22. Immanuel Kant take a stroll at the time each day, can he?  And might he not rue the decision to walk the same streets again and again?
23. Was the theologian who experienced an existential crisis a Doubting Thomist?
24. Did John lock the door then begin writing on his blank slate?
25. There is only one Messiah, but there are scores.  (Can you Handel this joke?)
26. Did Voltaire enjoy eating Candide yams?
27. How does a philosopher buy a car?  He Hegels.  I Kant stop telling these puns.  Perhaps I will need help to Sartre myself out.  Maybe I have too much on my Plato.  Or is that Realistic?
28. A Turkish social networking website is called Fezbook, and that is no Istanbul.  (Are bad jokes a Constantinople on this blog?  If they are, there is no good reason to continue Sultan over that fact.)
29. The historical account of facial hair was a Beardian analysis.

1. Boring geometry teachers are really square.
2. The well-educated artist was a collage graduate.
3. When Tacitus wandered, he as a roamin’ historian.  I guess that a coin he may have used was a Latin Quarter.
4. Are seminarians and students of optometry called pupils?
5. Where do ghost teachers train?  Paranormal Schools!
6. Where does a one-eyed man look up information?  An En-cyclop-edia!
7. Did you hear the story about the stolen school books?  It was a textbook case.