Archive for the ‘Puns–Pets and Wildlife’ Category

Music Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The musician played the piano softly.  The pianist with too much time became keyboard.
  2. Singing in the church choir is a lofty ambition.  (Do my jokes need better direction?)
  3. The musically inclined fish visited the choral reef.
  4. Is church music on a rogation Sunday organ-ic?  Should I have piped up?
  5. The group of musically inclined wood workers called itself the Carpenters.  (They were on top of the world.)
  6. I am partial to choral music.   You may ask, “On what basses?”  I do not like the tenor of such a conversation.  But, whatever, you do, refrain from calling the Sopranos or going to Palo Alto.
  7. Singing more softly or loudly makes a song dynamic.
  8. The instrumentalist had bass boards in his home.  (Is this joke so bad that it is almost as low as I can go?  Does it register?)
  9. Anthems are an acquired taste.  Does this joke strike a chord with you?  Was it noteworthy?
  10. If a window were to sing to me, it would be Beverly Sills.
  11. A semi-aquatic marine mammal that plays an instrument is a harp seal.
  12. The grocer must be a good musician, for he is never out of tuna.

Beverages and Liquids Puns   1 comment

  1. Does one have to pass the bar exam to serve a martini?
  2. Those who do not pick up the coffee they ordered have no grounds for complaining.
  3. One fish to another:  “Water you doing?”
  4. The Prohibition activists with a good sense of humor had a dry wit.
  5. A torso-covering garment bearing an image of a small bag containing leaves is a tea shirt.
  6. I am in urnest about my favorite teas.

Astronomy Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The astronomer with an odd personality was quarky.
  2. The astronomer was Sirius about his work.
  3. Does a cat on the Moon have lunatics?
  4. Do astronomers clean their rock collections in meteor showers?

Pets and Wildlife Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The pig farmer was so impoverished that he could not purchase good signage; he could, however, afford a porcine.
  2. A nun’s pet is a creature of habit.
  3. The deceptive frog was an amfibian.  And it was nobody’s toady.  Should I ponder more jokes?
  4. Happy Gnu Year!
  5. A balding bee uses a combover.
  6. I gopher puns.
  7. The British rabbit was very hoppy.
  8. Do dogs visit retail outlets?  Did some wag think of this pun?
  9. When one buys a rabbit from a pet store, does one get a warranty?
  10. Is an Italian marine mammal on a bulwark a walrus from Tuscany?
  11. I could keep fawning over you, my deer, if I doe say so myself.  And, with you by my side, I will never have to go stag again.
  12. The false charges against the aquatic mammal were otterly preposterous.
  13. I do not know atoll what to think about coral islands.
  14. If a bear is on a large obstacle, is that obstacle by definition a barricade?
  15. If one annoys an arachnid, does one have a cross tick?
  16. Is a Portuguese bovine in China Macao?  I wonder how much I can milk this thought before I begin to tell udderly bad jokes.  Is this joke dairy good or dairy bad?  Does it moove you?

Dessert Puns   2 comments

  1. Although some cherries are cordial, others are rude.
  2. I ate 3.14 pieces of pie.
  3. What does one get when one eats jelly at an intersection?  A traffic jam!
  4. Desserts had become too expensive, so many people began to lobby for torte reform.  But those who scoffed at this effort retorted.
  5. The angry pie maker meringued people on a regular basis.  Does this pun egg you on? Do you feel on top of things because you have read it?
  6. Does a rhesus monkey like Reece’s Pieces?
  7. The complimentary dessert at the luxury hotel was the pudding on the Ritz.

Sheep Puns   Leave a comment

  1. I flock to puns about sheep.  Do ewe?
  2. Is a pitcher a sheep uses called a ewer?

Bird Puns   Leave a comment

  1. Owl say that some birds are a hoot.
  2. The accused bird was a flight risk.
  3. My cardinal rule regarding bird puns is never to wing it, but to think beforehand, being careful not to worm my way into a bad joke.  That way I increase the probability that my puns will be more widely red.
  4. Henceforth all chicks will emerge from the most fowl of gene poules.
  5. I used a dictionary and examined the definition of “rooster” with a fine-toothed comb.  This pun just dawned on me.

Medicine and Plants Puns   Leave a comment

  1. I would pun about trees but that would require me to branch out or go out on a limb.  So I will leaf that option alone, and not fall for it.
  2. Vegetables will inevitably turnip.  I mustard the courage to publish this post.
  3. The evasive lawn care worker beat around the bush.
  4. If there were a disco song about flowers, it would be Stamen Alive.  I must be a pistil for sharing that pun.
  5. A Christmas tree can spruce up one’s home.
  6. Should I liken a lichen to algae?
  7. People are wise to distinguish among varieties of sage plants.
  8. Jokes about eyes are cornea than other humorous statements.
  9. One bee accused another bee of using flowery language.
  10. Pulling up weeds is a garden-variety task.
  11. I was trying to extol the virtues of a soothing and fragrant ointment, but somebody interrupted me, saying, “Don’t rub it in.”
  12. I pine for cones.
  13. The happy gardener said, “Hosanna!”
  14. One who functions as a sentry of different plants is guardin’ variety.
  15. The florist who drove quickly put the petal to the metal.  He did not stamen put.

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This is post #2020 of SUNDRY THOUGHTS.

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Furniture and Office Equipment and Supplies Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The lamp salesman had a shady past.
  2. People who sharpen pencils often know how to get to the point.  They have the write stuff.
  3. Is an open-source website about candles called Wick-ipedia?
  4. A fee for looking at a page is paperview.
  5. An item that shines in the darkness and weighs little is a light bulb.
  6. The revolutionary Russians with too few cutting tools had a scissors crisis.  Maybe they needed a new economic policy to deal with it–or maybe not.  (How is that for a historical pun?)
  7. Using push pins to hang a poster can be really tacky.  (Was that a pointed comment?  Is my sense of humor sharp?)
  8. Light bulb covers are fixtures in many buildings.
  9. Is a person in charge of the manufacture of desks a bureau chief?
  10. The Turkish businessman who owned a large business which manufactured and sold footstools had an Ottoman Empire.
  11. Must I couch jokes about sofas in certain terms?  I could, I suppose, pun about chairs, but then I would be a lazy boy.
  12. Were the bookcases in the nuclear scientist’s office made of particle board?  Should I have shelved this joke?
  13. If the inventor of the telephone had been a woman from the Old South, the telephone would have been the invention of a Southern belle.
  14. Bees can use just one key on a keyboard, for they have Type-A personalities.
  15. If I decide to purchase certain office supplies individually, how much should I pay per clip?
  16. The friendly writing instruments were pen pals.

Philosophical and Theological Puns   Leave a comment

  1. Canine theologians specialize in dogma.
  2. A priest’s favorite vegetables are collard greens.
  3. Is an unmarried Lutheran a Single Predestinarian?
  4. A minister or priest who presides over a meeting is a chairparson.
  5. Light bulbs are fixtures of puns based on Enlightenment philosophy.
  6. Was the cosmetologist with unorthodox views a heretic?
  7. Do Christian athletes wear Paracletes?