Archive for the ‘Puns–Pets and Wildlife’ Category
- The musician played the piano softly. The pianist with too much time became keyboard.
- Singing in the church choir is a lofty ambition. (Do my jokes need better direction?)
- The musically inclined fish visited the choral reef.
- Is church music on a rogation Sunday organ-ic? Should I have piped up?
- The group of musically inclined wood workers called itself the Carpenters. (They were on top of the world.)
- I am partial to choral music. You may ask, “On what basses?” I do not like the tenor of such a conversation. But, whatever, you do, refrain from calling the Sopranos or going to Palo Alto.
- Singing more softly or loudly makes a song dynamic.
- The instrumentalist had bass boards in his home. (Is this joke so bad that it is almost as low as I can go? Does it register?)
- Anthems are an acquired taste. Does this joke strike a chord with you? Was it noteworthy?
- If a window were to sing to me, it would be Beverly Sills.
- A semi-aquatic marine mammal that plays an instrument is a harp seal.
- The grocer must be a good musician, for he is never out of tuna.
- Does one have to pass the bar exam to serve a martini?
- Those who do not pick up the coffee they ordered have no grounds for complaining.
- One fish to another: “Water you doing?”
- The Prohibition activists with a good sense of humor had a dry wit.
- A torso-covering garment bearing an image of a small bag containing leaves is a tea shirt.
- I am in urnest about my favorite teas.
- The astronomer with an odd personality was quarky.
- The astronomer was Sirius about his work.
- Does a cat on the Moon have lunatics?
- Do astronomers clean their rock collections in meteor showers?
- The pig farmer was so impoverished that he could not purchase good signage; he could, however, afford a porcine.
- A nun’s pet is a creature of habit.
- The deceptive frog was an amfibian. And it was nobody’s toady. Should I ponder more jokes?
- Happy Gnu Year!
- A balding bee uses a combover.
- I gopher puns.
- The British rabbit was very hoppy.
- Do dogs visit retail outlets? Did some wag think of this pun?
- When one buys a rabbit from a pet store, does one get a warranty?
- Is an Italian marine mammal on a bulwark a walrus from Tuscany?
- I could keep fawning over you, my deer, if I doe say so myself. And, with you by my side, I will never have to go stag again.
- The false charges against the aquatic mammal were otterly preposterous.
- I do not know atoll what to think about coral islands.
- If a bear is on a large obstacle, is that obstacle by definition a barricade?
- If one annoys an arachnid, does one have a cross tick?
- Is a Portuguese bovine in China Macao? I wonder how much I can milk this thought before I begin to tell udderly bad jokes. Is this joke dairy good or dairy bad? Does it moove you?
- Although some cherries are cordial, others are rude.
- I ate 3.14 pieces of pie.
- What does one get when one eats jelly at an intersection? A traffic jam!
- Desserts had become too expensive, so many people began to lobby for torte reform. But those who scoffed at this effort retorted.
- The angry pie maker meringued people on a regular basis. Does this pun egg you on? Do you feel on top of things because you have read it?
- Does a rhesus monkey like Reece’s Pieces?
- The complimentary dessert at the luxury hotel was the pudding on the Ritz.
- I flock to puns about sheep. Do ewe?
- Is a pitcher a sheep uses called a ewer?
- Owl say that some birds are a hoot.
- The accused bird was a flight risk.
- My cardinal rule regarding bird puns is never to wing it, but to think beforehand, being careful not to worm my way into a bad joke. That way I increase the probability that my puns will be more widely red.
- Henceforth all chicks will emerge from the most fowl of gene poules.
- I used a dictionary and examined the definition of “rooster” with a fine-toothed comb. This pun just dawned on me.
- I would pun about trees but that would require me to branch out or go out on a limb. So I will leaf that option alone, and not fall for it.
- Vegetables will inevitably turnip. I mustard the courage to publish this post.
- The evasive lawn care worker beat around the bush.
- If there were a disco song about flowers, it would be Stamen Alive. I must be a pistil for sharing that pun.
- A Christmas tree can spruce up one’s home.
- Should I liken a lichen to algae?
- People are wise to distinguish among varieties of sage plants.
- Jokes about eyes are cornea than other humorous statements.
- One bee accused another bee of using flowery language.
- Pulling up weeds is a garden-variety task.
- I was trying to extol the virtues of a soothing and fragrant ointment, but somebody interrupted me, saying, “Don’t rub it in.”
- I pine for cones.
- The happy gardener said, “Hosanna!”
- One who functions as a sentry of different plants is guardin’ variety.
- The florist who drove quickly put the petal to the metal. He did not stamen put.
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This is post #2020 of SUNDRY THOUGHTS.
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- The lamp salesman had a shady past.
- People who sharpen pencils often know how to get to the point. They have the write stuff.
- Is an open-source website about candles called Wick-ipedia?
- A fee for looking at a page is paperview.
- An item that shines in the darkness and weighs little is a light bulb.
- The revolutionary Russians with too few cutting tools had a scissors crisis. Maybe they needed a new economic policy to deal with it–or maybe not. (How is that for a historical pun?)
- Using push pins to hang a poster can be really tacky. (Was that a pointed comment? Is my sense of humor sharp?)
- Light bulb covers are fixtures in many buildings.
- Is a person in charge of the manufacture of desks a bureau chief?
- The Turkish businessman who owned a large business which manufactured and sold footstools had an Ottoman Empire.
- Must I couch jokes about sofas in certain terms? I could, I suppose, pun about chairs, but then I would be a lazy boy.
- Were the bookcases in the nuclear scientist’s office made of particle board? Should I have shelved this joke?
- If the inventor of the telephone had been a woman from the Old South, the telephone would have been the invention of a Southern belle.
- Bees can use just one key on a keyboard, for they have Type-A personalities.
- If I decide to purchase certain office supplies individually, how much should I pay per clip?
- The friendly writing instruments were pen pals.
- Canine theologians specialize in dogma.
- A priest’s favorite vegetables are collard greens.
- Is an unmarried Lutheran a Single Predestinarian?
- A minister or priest who presides over a meeting is a chairparson.
- Light bulbs are fixtures of puns based on Enlightenment philosophy.
- Was the cosmetologist with unorthodox views a heretic?
- Do Christian athletes wear Paracletes?
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