Archive for the ‘Puns’ Category

Detergents   Leave a comment

Opposition to puns should never deter gents from telling jokes about clothes washers.  No, these punny men should maintain their commitment to clean humor, no matter how others spin the witticisms.

Cellphone On a Charger   Leave a comment

Photographer = Kenneth Randolph Taylor

A visual pun

Grown On Me   Leave a comment

Puns have groan on me.

Posted June 8, 2020 by neatnik2009 in Puns

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Argumentative Pirate   Leave a comment

The disagreeable pirate was arrgh-umentative.

Posted June 8, 2020 by neatnik2009 in Puns

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Spirited Discussion   2 comments

People held a spirited discussion about ghosts.

Posted June 8, 2020 by neatnik2009 in Puns

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Music Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The musician played the piano softly.  The pianist with too much time became keyboard.
  2. Singing in the church choir is a lofty ambition.  (Do my jokes need better direction?)
  3. The musically inclined fish visited the choral reef.
  4. Is church music on a rogation Sunday organ-ic?  Should I have piped up?
  5. The group of musically inclined wood workers called itself the Carpenters.  (They were on top of the world.)
  6. I am partial to choral music.   You may ask, “On what basses?”  I do not like the tenor of such a conversation.  But, whatever, you do, refrain from calling the Sopranos or going to Palo Alto.
  7. Singing more softly or loudly makes a song dynamic.
  8. The instrumentalist had bass boards in his home.  (Is this joke so bad that it is almost as low as I can go?  Does it register?)
  9. Anthems are an acquired taste.  Does this joke strike a chord with you?  Was it noteworthy?
  10. If a window were to sing to me, it would be Beverly Sills.
  11. A semi-aquatic marine mammal that plays an instrument is a harp seal.
  12. The grocer must be a good musician, for he is never out of tuna.

Composer Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The space aliens who met Richard Strauss said, “Take me to your lieder.”
  2. Georges was not too Bizet to compose music.
  3. Music is Lisztless without Franz.
  4. A composer opens a small door with a minor key.
  5. The composer, who attended frequent staff meetings, took a measured approach to writing music.  I hope he was never in much treble.  If so, this would have been a major concern for him, for he might have been unduly notorious.
  6. Don’t be notorious.  Compose yourself and perform in the correct key.  This is a major issue, off the scale.
  7. I suppose that Beethoven wrote some drafts of compositions in notebooks.
  8. When Johann Sebastian attended a party, was it a Bachanalia?  Am I wining too much?  Is this a grape joke or not?
  9. Puns about Johann Sebastian Bach must Germanate.

Food Puns   Leave a comment

  1. I paid for my meal at a restaurant in Amsterdam.  I went Dutch.
  2. A C.P.A. reviewed restaurants on the side.  He panned the cuisine at one establishment, writing, “There’s no accounting for taste.”
  3. The food critic panned the chef’s cooking, saying that it had gone to pot.  The chef, who could not handle this criticism, boiled over with rage.
  4. Do Dutch-born Canadians use hollandaise sauce?
  5. Russian food out of a can is Chef Boyardee.
  6. You have great skillet cooking.
  7. St. Polycarp had many fish.
  8. Rare meat is hard to find.  (I hope that you, O reader, will compliment me on this pun by saying, “Well done,” in one medium or another.)
  9. Whenever I Taiwan to eat Turkey Chile, I use my China.  Fortunately, there is little Greece and I do not have to go Dutch.
  10. The ill condiment went to the mayo clinic.
  11. Does eating a doughnut make one holier?
  12. Olive to tell jokes about pizza toppings.
  13. The theatrical chef engaged in roll playing.
  14. The chef made a stirring speech.
  15. Do Freemasons preserve food in jars?
  16. Did the farmer eat a Reuben Sandwich? And did he have a beef with his meal?
  17. Are you cool to joke about refrigerators and freezers?
  18. The egocentric literary oyster was shellfish.  (Is this joke a pearl of wisdom or just an irritant?)
  19. Is a diner in Athens a greasy spoon?
  20. The food thief pulled off a caper.

Beverages and Liquids Puns   1 comment

  1. Does one have to pass the bar exam to serve a martini?
  2. Those who do not pick up the coffee they ordered have no grounds for complaining.
  3. One fish to another:  “Water you doing?”
  4. The Prohibition activists with a good sense of humor had a dry wit.
  5. A torso-covering garment bearing an image of a small bag containing leaves is a tea shirt.
  6. I am in urnest about my favorite teas.

Vegetables Puns   Leave a comment

  1. The vegetarian pursuer was a stalker.
  2. Here is a bilingual pun, one dependent upon knowledge of the French term for “green beans”:  Green beans are my favorite vegetable; this is very true.  If I am fortunate that this fact has never led to a hairy situation.
  3. Is an Eastern European who likes lettuce a Romanian?
  4. Is an immature carrot a carotene?
  5. One cannot go far afield stalking corn.  Oh, dear reader, please give ear to this pun.  Go ahead, the joke is not that bad.
  6. Can you asparagus a dime?
  7. Happy New Ear!  Is this joke too corny?  Does telling it too many times give one a husky voice?